There's Always Another Wound To Discover

I'm through hiding
I'm through trying to be who everyone else wants me to be
I'm tired of trying to be perfect and having that still not be good enough
I've done the best ive could and I still feel like ive fallen short
I am me
Thats all I can be
No more
No less
If who I am isn't good enough for you then you aren't worth it
I'm breaking down my own walls
And from now on im letting people in without them fighting for my trust
I'm through getting to know people before I let my guard down
I want to let people in

Your undescribable to me
When you look into my eyes
You set my soul free
Without you I wouldn't be
The person it is that you see


I'm the girl that will tell you to go for it
To not care what the outcome will be
Because at least you wont be thinking what if
So why when people tell me to just go for it do I always second guess myself
And usually end up running from the situation
I irritate myself when I do it
But cant seem to control it
So ive decided to make a change
From now on I will be bold and spontaneous
Ill live life so that I never think what if
From now on I will out that guy I like even if im afraid
Who cares if he says no at least you can say you tried
What if he says yes and you end up with your happily ever after
No more running
Its about time to start facing my fears
One fear at a time
I know its easier said then done
So maybe the first time wont be successful
But ill keep on trying until I can no longer think what if
I never want to ask myself what if ever again

The words don't come as easy as they used to
We used to be best friends but now ive been replaced
He loves her and I guess that makes it easier to let her go
So many things have changed
It went from playing babies to actually having one
It went from pretend to reality in just a few short years
We grew up to fast not that i'm complaining
Because that little girl has ahold of my heart
I remember the way things used to be and I miss that
It hurts to move on
Life changes and so do people even if your not ready
Maybe I am ready and this is lifes way of telling me im prepared for the next phase in life
I remember the way we used to be
And it hurts to know thats gone

As she says the words a knife is plunged into my heart
I feel the tears as they roll down my face
I don't know who I hate more
Her for saying the words that point the finger of blame at me
Or me for not being able to control my emotions better
For once in my life I am without words
Totally completely speechless
I hangup the phone feeling an emptyness I've never experienced before
Our once perfect relationship begins to crumble
And I feel the gap widening
My breathing deepens as the realization of her words sink deeper and deeper into my soul
I can't picture my world without him
With all hes put me through I still can't have his life on my hands
I realize how weak he has become and my heart is heavy
The unbeatable force he used to be has diminished throughout the years
And he is no longer the man I used to know
I realize the relationship I had with them can be no more
They aren't as strong as they used to be and their weakness hurts me to the core
Worst of all the person I confided in has been lost
The person who held my world in her hands has past the goblet
But no ones there to take it
My secrets and thoughts are trapped in my mind and have no where to go
I can't believe she's turning on me
She's using my feelings as a weapon against me
She's changed
Lost forever in the past
I've moved on and she can't handle it
How do I deal?
Do I keep moving ahead even though it means leaving her behind?
Or do I stop and return to my old life?
What if she never catches up?
What if their never ready for me to progress into the next phase of my life?
I've decided to move on
I hope they understand
And I pray they can forgive me
One day maybe they will quit blaming me
But until then I'll keep praying and hoping and waiting!

I don't care about your past
I only care about what happens next
Whats the path that you will choose?
Is it to continue on the one that youve been on
Or is it the one to make a change.


I'm calling out to you
As i'm falling through the cracks
I'm reaching out my hand
And i'm hoping that you pull me back
I'm wondering where I went wrong
And how it took me so long to figure it out
So hold on tight
Don't let go
Don't let me out of your sight
No matter what I say or do
The only one I love is you.

My heart is breaking into pieces
God how was I to know
That in a couple seconds
She would have to go
Why'd this have to happen
She was just so young
It was an accident
That took her up above

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

When I look into your eyes I see the person I wish I could be. I see strength and courage. There is an understanding that only you could have. There's something about you that makes me want to be a better person. When I look into your eyes I see what I hope to have one day.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

For the first time in my life I looked in the mirror and realized I was becoming somebody. Somebody that I don't mind being. I saw beauty for the first time in a long time. I saw myself from someone elses perspective and that helped me notice my real potential. I woke up this morning and made a choice. I decided to never let anyone tell me who to be and how I should act. No one will ever make me feel inferior. I will believe in myself and never doubt again. I wont do something halfway because Im scared to give my all and fail. Id rather give my all and fail then to have let life pass me by. I only have one life to live so I will never let fear hold me back. I will laugh at myself and never take life to seriously. I will live, laugh and love. I will live like there is no tomorrow, laugh like no ones around and love like ive never been hurt. I will love with my whole heart. The past will never hold me back. I will no longer care what people think of me. I will sing and dance like no ones around. I will praise God will all my heart. I will catch and hold his eye. I will show my feelings and set my emotions free. I will say hello to everyone I meet. I will give it my all in all I do if im good at it or not. I will smile no matter what im going through. I will no longer worry or have stress. I will walk and talk with a purpose. I will say whats on my mind. I will never doubt God but I will praise him in the good and the bad. I will think of only heavenly things and not of things on the earth. I never again will think im ugly but I will always see my beauty. I will never take anybodys opinion to heart. I will always believe in me because I am as good as everyone else. I am loveable and will never think anyone is to good for me. I will value myself. Things I care about are important. I will stop trying to change myself. I matter. I will never think down about myself. I will never be afraid again. Life isn't long enough to care so much. I have the strength and courage to become the woman God created me to be. When I step out of my comfort zone God does miracles. I will never doubt myself because God doesn't doubt me. He believes in me and so should I.

I don't remember what day it was but Lena, Trey, Mike and me all hungout. We stayed at Trey's for awhile and then went to the gas station to get beer for Brad and a mt.dew for Mike. Then we drove around a bit and Mike took pictures of me and Lena. Mike said we needed to come visit him in Little Rock. I wonder if we will. Then we went and played pool. It was so much fun. Trey and Lena won one game and Mike and I won two. I suck at pool but I enjoyed it anyways. After that we went back to Trey's. Trey and Lena were makingout. Mike and Brad were getting high. Brad' mom got mad at us for being loud and kicked us out. After that me and Lena went home. I got home and went to bed around 4 or 4:30am. I'm not sure why but I actually like Mike. I think its because he is so easy to talk to and he is fun to be around. Lena actually asked Mike if he thought I was cute! It was kinda embarrasing but at least he said yes.

Lena, Trey and I went bowling. We bowled 3 games and it was only like 10 dollars a person for 1 or 1 1/2 hours. I think Trey won every game. He is really good. I didn't do to bad. I got at least one strike. I also threw the ball down the lane before the bar was up and the ball got stuck at the end of the lane haha. Lena tried to run down the lane to get the ball and actually got halfway down it. Trey slipped and fell while bowling. It was funny but I think he kinda hurt himself which made it not so funny :( After that we drove around a bit and then went back to Treys and then went home. It was a lot of fun.

I met Ashley and Celestina at Walmart at 9:30am. We bought lunch foods and junk food - a turkey sub sandwhich on wheat bread, white-powdered doughnuts, twinkies, chocolate chip cookies-chewy chipsahoy-dr.pepper,water,ice,jalapeno cheetos and dorittos. Then got on the road. When we got to West Fork we got lost and took the wrong turn. So then we had to turn around and go back. We finally made it there. We had our lunch picnic first and then went hiking. First we went on Devil's Den Trail which was suppose to take 1 hr and 30 minutes but we were taking our time and having fun so I don't know how long it took. We went in two caves which was way fun but we didn't get to go all the way through one of them so I want to go back and go all the way through it. It was cold and wet in the caves but it felt good and it was really fun! We got really muddy and dirty. After that we went on the Yellowrock Trail. It was suppose to take 45 minutes haha. We took longer than that lol. We saw some kind of animal. We didn't know what it was. Ashley took a picture of it. I thought it looked like a beaver but I don't think beavers go around climbing trees but hey who knows. Then was saw a snake. Thank God it was dead. It was really small though so I guess it doesn't matter. Its head was black and white stripped and its tail was blue. It was weird. Ashley got a picture of it too. We got to some cliffs and the view was absolutely amazing! I loved it! There was a really good breeze today to so it felt amazing too. After that we went back to the car and came home. We got home around 5:30pm. We are planning on going camping in three weeks! Hiking was awesome though and I can't wait to go back. Hopefully Lena and Jacque can come next time!!

Lena, Jacque, Daniel and I all went and hungout. It was fun. First we took Trey home and then we drove around. After that we went to McDonald's and sat in the parking lot and talked and ate. We had a very interesting conversation and completely spilled the beans haha. Daniel told all three of us why he likes us. I was quite surprised to hear all the reasons he liked me and it made me uncomfortable b/c his fiance was sitting next to me. We no longer have secrets and I love that. I think it would be easier for them to tell me their secrets if I had something to tell them also but since I'm not going to have any of those experiences until after I'm married it may be awhile haha. Daniel apologized about the way he acted at the campsite and the things he said. Over all it was really fun and I loved just hanging out with everyone and talking. We stayed out til 3:30am. I was so tired the next day at work but hey its all good b/c I'm glad me and Lena got everything straightened out and I fill closer to all of them now. :)

Camping was crazy! Lena and Jacque dropped Daniel and Brad off at the apartments up the street and then came to get me. Then we went back to get them. While driving out to the campsite we took a dirt road with crazy bumps and hills. Daniel kept holding on to me. We didn't get out to the campsite until like midnight and then I found out that if we get caught there we will go to jail. Oh well. We hangout awhile and Jacque goes to sleep. Trey was pretty cool. Brad was crazy and drunk and scared me. Lena and Trey went off by themselves all night :( I stayed up talking to Daniel all night and found out a lot of things. He also tried to get me to cuddle with him and/or makeout with him. It made me uncomfortable but he later apologized the next time we hungout. Brad and Tristan came back and Brad was extremely drunk! Tristan sees cool. Around 6 I went to sleep until 8:30. Then we packed up the stuff while Brad had a breakdown which was way scary. Jacque had an attitude and I was mad b/c of the convo Daniel and I had. After packing up and dealing with Brad we went to Trey's to get him a change of clothes and to the gas station to get Trey a cigarette. He got one of those that smell really good. I love the smell of them! Then while Jacque, Daniel, Lena and Trey hungout I went home and took a shower and went to bed for almost 24 hours. I think it was like 16 hours actually. It was kind of a sucky first camping experience but oh well everythings good now. haha Brad was so drunk and told me beer was more important then a girl.

I'm Bored so im putting up Twilight Icons!!
This one isn't from Twilight but I just love it!!

One of my favorite quotes!

Haha Poor Mike never had a chance!

I woke up around 9:30am and Cynthia called shortly after. I got ready and went to her house around 11am. Cynthia, Kelly, Julie, Boogie and I went to the fair like carnival in VB. It was fun. Before we went we stopped by walmart to buy a stroller for Julie, Cynthia's daughter. Boogie is her son and Kelly is her sister-in-law. We had fun. Cynthia and I rode the scrambler and Cynthia smashed me. My ribs still hurt and it made me feel dizzy. Julie loves corndogs we discovered. Boogie loved the huge slide. Cynthia even went on the slide haha. Cynthia, Boogie and I went on a little kiddie ride for Boogie. It was a kiddie version of the scrambler. Boogie liked it. He had a lot of fun. I'm not crazy about Kelly. I thought she was really rude to Cynthia and she acted like a mother to her instead of a friend and sister-in-law. She took over the kids and demanded to know where Cynthia was going. I couldn't stand living with her and putting up with that. I understand that they are close and that Kelly helps her out a lot but come on thats a little over board. I would take my kids and move out. Personally I'd tell her to go to hell. Its kinda weird but I've been a lot more outgoing lately and I havent been caring about what other people think. I've more or less been blocking out peoples reactions to me so that it doesn't effect me anymore. I've been letting loss and not caring but I've been cursing more lately too. I don't know I guess its the new me. I'm not sure if its a good or bad thing though. Oh well. Brandon ditched me and decided not to go to the mall. I had mixed feelings about that but over all I was kinda glad because I think it would of been kinda uncomfortable bc he was asking me if I was interested in him the other night. Cynthia and David came along. Cynthia brought Julie also. I wanted to hangout with Lena also so I asked if she wanted to come too. She didn't really seem like she wanted to but she came. I'm not sure if she had much fun but I hope she wasn't to bored. Cynthia was kinda getting on my nerves bc all she wanted to do was what she wanted to do. She didn't care about anyone else and what they wanted to do. I bought 3 books and Borders. I was excited and that shows how much of a nerd I am haha. I also bought some perfume at Victoria Secret. I had a good time over all. I'm somewhat jealous of Cynthia and Lena. I'm jealous of Cynthia because she had 2 kids and they seem more like a burden to her then a joy. Also she is in a new relationship with David. I'm jealous of Lena because she is in a new relationship with Trey and he seems like a really nice guy. I'm happy for her but I want someone too! I really hope it works out with Trey and Lena. I wanna met him so I can give Lena my opinion of him. Not that my opinion matters and I hope Lena doesn't care about Jacque's opinion of him either. When I got home from the mall I put a lot of my books in my new bookshelf that I absolutely love!! Lena got it for me for my birthday. My g-parents got me bath stuff and my parents gave me money. While putting my books away I watched Indiana Jones Movies on tv. There were actually really good. I ate a hamburger that was really good and fried okra and corn nuggets and drank tea. Yummy yum yum!!!! That is all I ate today besides and Frozen Mud Slide from Sweet Bay and a piece of my B-Day cake. I got a sunburn from being outside all day. Hopefully I'll tan!! I'm thinking about going back to the mall tomorrow when I have more time so I can shop more. I need to get a gift for my mom for Mother's Day. Also I haven't been to the mall in forever so there is a lot of new stuff I wanna checkout. Maybe Lena will come and we can hangout more.

I went on my first outing at work!!!! I had to go in at 11am but I'll get overtime which is good. 12 dollars and hour for overtime! It was so much fun! First we went to Chuckecheese and I had a lot of fun. I wanna go back haha. After a while we went to Creekmore park. It was fun but hot. We rode the train. It was fun. I hadn't been on the train since I was little. I saw a girl, Brandy, who used to work at Brownwood but now she works at like BOST or something like that. We also got icys at the place by kimmons. I haven't been there in a while either. I got a strawberry short cake. It was good. For lunch Ashley, Sharon and I went to Taco Bell. We didn't get back to work until like 5 minutes before are lunch break was over. We hurried and ate and returned to work. Donnie still isn't back at work. He is supposed to come back Monday I believe. Thursday he felt really bad and he has been having trouble with his blood pressure. The nurses at work checked it and it was like 150/120 or something like that. It was really high. He left early and went to the hospital. They said if he would of waited 5 or 10 more minutes he could of had a heart attack which is really scary. Sharon and Donnie are dating now which is totally awesome. They are so cute together. Sharon told us that Donnie had to go to the hospital again Friday. I wonder if they are going to admit him. I hope he is okay.

Sydney White was a really great movie! I absolutely loved it! I wish more people were like her now adays. It made me want to be nicer to people and help out more. Maybe I will start trying to help out around the community more or something.

I just got finished watching Tuck Everlasting. I must say it was a lot better than I remember it being. The ending was sad. I'm not really sure what choice I would have made if I was Winnie. I would want to be with my first love forever but then again I would hate living forever. She grew up and got married and had kids but if I was her I would always be thinking about the first guy I loved. I thought it was sad :( I think she should of drank the water and lived forever and traveled to world with Jesse. Thats what I would of done I think.

Candles

The Computer

The Smell Of Fresh Cut Grass

Kittens

Television

Corvette


Books

Movies

To Be Continued.......

Flowers



The saying Bite Me

Red Heads

The Ocean

Wranglers

Nature

Pomagranites

Harry Potter

Emo Guys

Twilight,Edward Cullen & Bella



This picture (It would be the perfect reading spot)

Horses



Boots




Cowboys

TO BE CONTINUED....